I am just not good enough. Never was, never will be. May Allah grant me strength to go through this again. Amin.

Only Allah knows how I truly feel. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kaulah maha mengetahui.

So it has come to this! Bismillah! We’re officially done with school in 2 weeks time. Then this is it. The real thing. I am sure everyone’s really worried about where to go, what to apply, how to apply, when are the deadlines and etc. Even I am very nervous. What if I don’t get accepted in any Universities? I don’t want to start working just yet!

There are so many things that I am interested in and I want to learn more. I don’t want to just be safe and not explore other opportunities!  I love being with children. But I just can’t teach them. Portfolios, lessons, observation and stuff that teachers do, I am not good at them. Even the field supervisor said I am not a good teacher. Truth hurts, they say. Though that one time the other field sup said I’d be a good teacher. Oh well.

One thing that I am good at though is creating learning corners. That, I  must say, I truly enjoy doing. Plus just randomly, naturally playing with children. And yes, routine care! I love changing children’s diapers and bathe them! Then the little children will smell so good and oh so kissable and huggable! But sadly, I have really had a lot of chance to do routine care through out the three years of attachment days.

So while waiting, hopefully for acceptance letters from the Universities, I’ll probably find a centre which needs a tod/playgroup teacher.

Good read!

Had a really good alone morning at the library today. Mary Balogh just became my favourite author! Since I’ve been itching to read a good book, I visited the library in the morning. And I am so fortunate to finally get hold of a really interesting and good book! It’s so good that I am still very much fascinated by it! I don’t know if the author’s style of writing or because the story was based on historical romance. Maybe the latter. Because I generally prefer olden days dramas/books/stories.

This, I wanna read!

I am itching to read a good book right now! But I’m trying to hold back that urge. If I start reading now, I won’t be able to do anything.  A book has a weird yet strong magnetic force that’ll make me forget about the time and people around me.

And I’ll always get too carried away when I read, the book will control my emotions. When I read sad books, I feel depressed, when I read lovey dovey books, I feel in love! I can never forget the time when I read Chinese Cinderella, it took me three weeks to snap out of it. Because somehow I could relate really well with the character. And maybe a medium for self-pity. Haha.

But I guess that is the fun thing about reading. You get to imagine being someone else or get immersed in the story. Maybe I should learn to not get myself too attached to a character.

FP4 in a few hours time! CAN’T WAIT! One last practicum! Bismillah!

 Attempt #398532584 to pout <3 

When it comes to planning for the future, I will get terribly excited and so obsessed with it. It’s quite annoying. This happened few years back when I was choosing the poly courses and jc schools.

And currently, I’m digging up all the  possible uni that I can get hold of. I’m trying to compare the Psychology courses and the electives that they offer. And it turns out, not many uni has the kind of elective that I want. Even though I’ll only be applying in the second half of the year, I’m already feeling eager yet stressed out.

I need to stop searching for uni for now till graduation! I gotta focus on my last few assignments and projects, because they’re more important right now. If my GPA drops any lower, I’m just doomed! Feeling really worried for my GPA :/

We can plan all we want, but ultimately, Allah decides everything. Insyaallah things will fall in place in the future.

Saw this on Suhaimi’s fb! And thought it’s quite hilarious! 

I won’t deny that I fall for men easily. The feeling of liking someone is actually thrilling and fun! Many unexpected things would happen and most of them are quite unforgettable. It’s definitely a nice feeling, liking someone. But it makes me forget that I have be closer to Allah swt., somehow.

And now, this is my first time in my whole entire life, I have absolutely no one in mind and heart. Alhamdulillah, I am thankful.  Because with this, I can finally get closer to Him, instead of finding someone to like. I want to be closer to Him. And, Insyaallah he’ll one day grant me a responsible man who can lead my future family. Amin.

And when I meet the one who’s meant for me, I pray that he’ll do everything the halal way and ask my hand in marriage. Insyaallah. It sounds unrealistic, but it’s my wish.

For now, I’ll try to be a filial daughter and complete my studies. My aim now is to get to an overseas Uni with a scholarship, Insyaallah, if there’s rezeki. If not, I’ll just stick to Wheelock or maybe earn some money to save for the overseas school fees. I can plan all I want, but ultimately, He decides everything. Insyaallah boleh.

I don’t know what to do. What should I do with my life? This life that Our Creator grant us with. How do I use this life wisely to please The One. What can I do? I want to do something! Sigh ):

Insyaallah I’ll be able to find something that will be able to fulfill my spiritual needs and desire. Amin.

They’re my boys! Teeeheee <3

I can’t tell you how much I love my children! They definitely bring joy during our attachment. Seeing them grow thus far is really amazing. Thinking back a year ago, before the young toddlers adjusted to the school and the K2s still in their comfy K1 class, they’ve grown too fast.

Time flies. Comparing their pictures then and now, you can see the vast differences physically. When you talk to them, you know, they are developing beautifully, taking a small step each day to slowly grow up to be a useful person who regrets nothing in the future.

I am truly blessed to be in this line. I love the little ones. It hurts my feelings when people complain that children are noisy, irritating, annoying and are just plain monsters. Well, I know they are all that. But people don’t have the right to complain and hate children. They are afterall just, children.

They may be annoying, figedty, talkative, tiring, noisy, boiterous, roudy, touchy and what nots, but at the end of the day, they’re still new to this world. They need our guidance. Who else would help them grow as a person if it’s not us, adults.

It’s just not cool when you say ‘I HATE CHILDREN’. How can one say that when they were once a child. Poor children. Some adults are just missing out on the fun and love! Their sweet smiles, tender hugs and wet kisses (on the cheek of course).

Ahh my little young ones and my darling K2s! <3

A gift from our sweet and lovely juniors!

I’ve never blogged a year end post before. So, this year I will.

2011 has been one of the best years of my life, I mean it. Masyaallah, the journey this year was so very memorable. So many things happened, new experiences gained, unexpected turmoil of emotions, I say, I’ve grown so much this year. I can see the change in myself. Just in a short span of 365 days, I’ve changed into a better person, hopefully.

But the highlight of this year is definitely the Hanoi Service Learning Trip and NPMSS. The friends made, the beautiful bond created, the joy and cry that we shared will forever remain in my heart. I have never felt so close to these people even if we seldom see each other. Such a magical feeling. Syukur Alhamdulillah!

In this year too, I was lucky enough to be chosen as a committee member for Eat, Pray, Love Muslimah camp. I have never conducted a camp before. So this was really, one of my proudest moment in my life. Coincidentally on the day of EPL camp, I was also given an opportunity to perform and sing on stage with 4 other people. I can proudly say that one of my dreams has finally come true.

What an enriching year! I feel so accomplished. 2011 was definitely a year full of opportunities. I thank God that I grabbed those golden opportunities. Now, I know, when I graduate, there’s nothing left to regret.

As much as I want to graduate, I will dearly miss the people. All the people who changed my life, all the wonderful and rich time spent together, all the people whom I’ll forever hold dear. I love all of you. May Allah bless each and everyone of you!

THIS.

I want to be able to do stuff. Meet people who can help me, advice me to reach my goals. I have so many things I wanna accomplish, both for this world and also for the Hereafter. I am excited to experience what the future has for me. There may be stuff that’s impossible to accomplish, but no one will know if that is truly impossible. Only He knows.

There are things that I am really confident in, but others just won’t get it. They don’t understand. People are just too opinionated to actually stop and listen to others. Not everyone experience the same situation. Don’t assume everyone tend to react similarly and feel the same way. It’s different. Just don’t assume.

Anyway I’ve been picking back my music. I’ve been writing songs again. Or at least try to. My songs are always not complete. But I will try to get one done. Finally got the hang of writing a good song after 3 years. Yes, 3 years. I still have the very first song that I attempted to write and it’s very -.-

After figuring out the different techniques and ways of writing a song, I am more confident now! I’ll try my best to complete it this time round. But before I finish up my song, I’m gonna try complete Didi’s song (video above) first! Just to ‘challenge’ myself in a way.