What is it like to love someone who does not reciprocate your feelings? It’s like having this nice little jittery feeling all the time when you think about him. You wish you can be there through all his ups and downs. You wish you are the one he confides to, the one he depends on to cheer him up. You want to give your full support in everything he does. You want to know how his day is like. You wait for his next most recent post to see what he has been up to. You appreciate all his nature posts. You see him as a perfect man.
But that is all he is. Just a perfect man who’ll never have you in his heart. He will never know how much you care for him. He will never know how much you’ll want to support him. He will never know how much you actually love him. And that’s okay. That’s exactly what being in love with someone who does not love you back feels like.
I never expect myself to still have this feeling for him. It has been a year since my love was turned down. But no matter how hard I try, these feelings keep coming back. And though I have all these feelings inside me, I never want to see him again. I don’t think I can actually face him anymore. Not because I am ashamed of my confession, but because it scares me and makes me nervous. I am not sure if I can even stand in front of him without my knees giving in to my nervous trembling.
If God wills it, we will meet again. And for now, I think I’d rather not.