LOVE

Love.
 
Love is selfless. No matter how much love troubles you, you still keep giving. Because love makes you care despite any circumstances. Even if love angers you, you can still find it within yourself to forgive love. Because love softens your heart.
 
Love is happiness and yet, love is a burden. Love warms your heart and gives you joy. But when love turns sour, love can hurt you so deeply. However, you still cannot stop loving even when it’s painful. Because love gives you hope that surely everything will be fine.
 
The more you love, the more patient you become. You learn to accept love for their strengths and weaknesses. You learn to understand love no matter how confusing it can be. You just keep loving because, love makes everything bearable.
 
Love is not just between a man and a woman. Love exists within a family, even among friends. Love is everywhere.
 
Love is in your heart.
 
“Love did not have to make sense. It did not have to be worthy. It did not have to woo. It just simply was.” – Mary Balogh
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RANT POST

I am sick and tired of this shit. I just couldn’t care less anymore. It used to be my pride and joy but now it is just a stupid burden that I don’t even want to think about. It just annoys me when I think about it. My life is so peaceful without it and I think for now I will just go ahead and leave it behind.

It’s time to just let it all go and leave it all to fate.

It’ll come. Just don’t bother me anymore.

I don’t want to feel anymore.

 

KEEP IT SAFE

It’s pretty strong the urge but I’m resisting because I am scared. It’s not like I did not try, I did and it has already sealed the deal. I know what will be the outcome if I’m to be impulsive. I don’t think I have gotten over what happened. To prepare myself of what’s to come if I just wing it, would be devastating. I don’t think I can go through it just yet. Maybe for now, I will keep fighting the urge and not let my emotions get the better of me. Let’s keep it under the radar and keep my heart safe.

I am leaving it all to Allah. I trust that when the time comes, I’ll know the real answer, because He knows what’s in our hearts and what is best for us all.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be.

DEAR BABY

Will there ever be a day I get to have a child to call my own? Will there ever be a day I get to feel my baby’s little tiny grip wrap around my finger? Will there ever be a day I get to hear my baby call me ibu?

To feel my baby’s soft tiny feet, to kiss my baby’s smooth cheeks, to smell that wonderful baby smell that lingers on my baby’s head. I wonder if I will ever get a chance to be a mother. Not to mention having to be married first. Somehow it worries me more that I will never get to be a mother than not having a husband.

When I see young mothers walking with their babies, I feel a pit in my stomach, a pinch of emptiness in my womb. It’s something that I yearn for. Many around me are getting pregnant and hearing their stories get me beyond excited. I feel like I’m a a god-mother awaiting the birth of their babies. At least it is a way I get to have a taste of motherhood.

I pray and will always pray each and everyday that I get a chance at marriage and baby in this life. Do pray for me as well.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be (:

EMBRACE YOURSELF

Why do you compare yourselves to others. You are you, you know what works best for you. Never put yourself in a situation where you feel pressured by those around you. Work at your own time, at your own pace. Follow what is in your heart and not what others are doing. Learn more about yourself. Praise your strength and challenge your weakness. Caring for yourself is not selfish, it’s a right. Only by embracing yourself would you be able to inspire others. 

SINGLEHOOD

I told myself that I am ready to settle down. I believed that I had to put in effort to meet someone, hence I went on a muslim dating app to broaden my circle of friends. But getting to know someone through a dating app made me realise how uncomfortable it is. I ended up deleting the app after a week.

I realised I did not like the idea of a stranger getting to know me out of nowhere as much as I thought I did. Maybe I felt vulnerable or maybe my expectation was too high but I think it is still my right to have a set of expectations, not only for me but for my future family. This experience taught me that it is better to stay single than to end up settling for a guy just because I met him online first.

For now, I think I am good living on my own. For now, I think I am done searching for someone. For now, I think I like having full control over my day to day decisions. So for now, I am going to continue being single.

Alhamdulillah, I am very happy and grateful where I am right now. I am just very excited to chase after my dreams.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you maybe (:

ADULTING

Being an adult does not mean you stop dreaming. You can still have goals and you can still fight your way. It is never too late. One beautiful thing about being adult is that you already have your basics done. You’ve gotten a job (or will get soon inshaaAllah) so you can earn a living and not leech off your parents. 

With that monthly pay you’ve got, what are you going to do with it? Save for marriage? Go for courses? Travel? You can do just about anything with your hard earned money. 

But here’s the thing, then what? What are you going to do with your life? If you love your job then Alhamdulillah, but what if you don’t? Is it too late to reflect and think what steps can be taken next? Like I’ve said, it is never too late inshaaAllah. 

Starting having dreams and goals again. Make life exciting again. Look forward to some new changes. Do something for the community. Giving back to the community is the best way to make life meaningful again. Plus you get to meet new people.

Some adults have goals and it’s great but, these goals that we want to achieve does not come easy. We really have to work for it. On top of that we often feel at lost and confused on how to achieve this adult dream of ours. 

Just remember, these goals are not instant goals. They take years to achieve. Create 5 year plans. You’ve got a life ahead of you, your 30s, 40s, 50s, InshaaAllah. Failing to achieve anything in adulthood is only another chance to try. Just don’t give up. 

Remind yourselves that life is a long journey and there will be changes, both good and bad. It is how you react to changes that reflect how much you’ve grown.

Last but not least, have fun in life. Enjoy and spend time with your loved ones, family and friends. Despite being constantly tired (especially being a childcare teacher) find time for yourself and the people around you. Because you will definitely need that fun time to recharge.

This serves as a reminder to me as well. At the end of the day ultimately Allah knows what is best for us. Don’t forget to have good intention, have effort and have faith then the rest Allah will take care of it.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you maybe (: