OH WELL

I planned, I tried, but in the end Allah knows best, for He is the Best of Planners. I trust my fate in His Hands. When things do not go the way we originally plan, it is alright, because Allah has already written something that is best for you. So, really, Alhamdulillah.

I’ve been thinking about being true to who you are, again. I know what’s new. Nad and her ever non-changing thoughts on truest form of self. Why am I on this again? I get so annoyed when people think I’m not being truthful or doubt my true feelings. I understand why people perceive so though, I really do. I do contradict myself COUNTLESS times. But that’s just it, my true self when I am alone sometimes contradict how I act when I am around people.

But do not conclude that I am being two faced. I most definitely am not. As a matter of fact, I am how I am with you because I am trying to be nice to you and your fragile little heart in case I say some mean things that you probably can’t handle, or rather not hear.

And why is this post suddenly so bitter? And what is it that I wanted to talk about?

Oh well.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be.

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WAIT AND SEE

I’m not perfect, just completely flawed. What makes me think I am good enough for someone? I want this, I want that. But do I really deserve this and that? Before judging a person, I’ve to judge myself. I have baggage that others won’t be able to carry along with them.

Truth be told, I am scared. I am not like any other girls, who are prettier, more eloquent than I can ever be. I have my own set of insecurities. I never had to feel this way when I am alone. But having to get to know someone, I am afraid I’ll chicken out.

People around me have been asking what am I afraid of when getting to know someone. I get taken aback. How can you not get scared? Where do you get the confidence? Part of me feels a little be guilty even! Like should I even go for it or should I just wait?

I’ve plucked up the courage to go for it but, urgh, I get nervous thinking about it. And somehow I feel like some pathetic loser.

Seriously, being single is the best. No obligations, no effort trying to make someone understand you. I am not an easy person to understand, because I do not let my feelings out freely. I will be a burden to get to know.

I just wonder who will be able to appreciate me and understand me wholeheartedly.

Let’s just wait and see.

May Allah bless you, whoever you may be (:

FI SABILILLAH

I am not into the idea of having to find your true passion in order to get a job that you enjoy. I don’t believe it. The public sculpted the perception of having a ‘dream job’. But based on my own personal experience, I’ve no clue what this dream job of mine is. If you call sitting at home everyday a dream job, than yeah, that’s my dream job.

But the public talks a lot about needing to find a job that you’re passionate about so you won’t have to work a day in your life, because you enjoy what you do. Hmm. I don’t think it’s neccesary to realise your passion in order to enjoy what you do for a living.

I still don’t like teaching but I love them kiddos. They’re cute and whatnot. I can say I enjoy my job but I still hate it. But it isn’t important to me that I have to drag my feet to school (well, work) some days.

I may not have found an enjoyable job, or whatever the public portrays as a dream job. But I have definitely found my purpose of life.

Work isn’t my priority. (But I still put in effort for it because it has already become my amanah. In Islam, amanah is a huge responsibilty Muslims have to uphold.) But work is funding what I enjoy most for now. It’s okay that I do not have a perfect job, a huge salary or even a 13th month bonus. Because work gives me enough money to learn and study.

No matter how tired I get from work, I can still always find the energy to study fi sabilillah. Alhamdulillah, for now, my purpose is to gain the knowledge as how muslims ought to.

So it’s really okay to not like your job, but of course you should still be positive and uphold your responsibilities. But don’t let work affect your life. Know your priorities and you’ll find out a little bit about what your purpose in life is for.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be (:

WELL, WHO KNOWS

I should have taken better care of them. I thought I was giving them space when I let them make all the decisions. But I never knew that they’d need my help. If only I knew back then, I would have done something else.

Will I ever get another chance like that again?

Being the president of ACE was really an honour for me. I put in my sweat and tears in the organisation for three years and it made my uni life so amazing. But will I be able to lead my own organisation one day?

Well, I don’t know.

May Allah bless you and your family whoever you may be (:

LEARNING JOURNEY

The more I learn, the more I realise I know little. I finally understood what people meant when they say learning is a lifelong journey. I am enjoying this new learning journey which I hope will be beneficial to me and people around me, InshaaAllah.

I hope to never stop learning and gaining knowledge. And I hope one day I get to impart the knowledge I know to the young ones.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be (:

LIFE IS TOO PRECIOUS

Some people are really just a waste of time. For all I know I might just be those ‘some people’. I just wish people can be happy for one another and co-exist in harmony. That’ll be an ideal peaceful world, in my dreams.

Why are people getting jealous over one another? Why do they have to talk behind their backs? Why can’t they just brush things off and just move on? Sometimes I wish I can lump all these small minded people and drop them off somewhere in the world where they have to survive alone. See how that will change their lives.

Life is just too precious to be talking about negative things. We all just need to have fun, be happy and at the end of the day be grateful for EVERYTHING.

I am still learning. I am not perfect. I have a lot of flaws that people of the public do not see. But I will strive to be better, to be more understanding.

And things are not getting any easier, but inshaaAllah, the path will be eased if I keep my faith.

Prophet PBUH: “A dinar you spend in Allah’s way, or to free a slave, or as a charity you give to a needy person, or to support your family the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on you family.”

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be.

WILL I?

I wanted to be good. But I was not. I tried to remind myself to not say useless things, but words came out too fast. Why didn’t I stop myself? Why didn’t I stand up for the right of others? Why didn’t I defend the victim? Why was I even there? How can I even be a better person when I am still like this? Will I ever be worthy of of paradise?