Being a younger sister to my brother and an older sister to my sister, has its pros and cons. For today, I’m just gonna focus on the cons, because I am feeling a tad negative and bitter.

Because I am the first daughter of the family, I am expected to be doing more of the house chores ever since I was a kid. And that led me to become an independent person as I am today. I don’t ask for help when I can still manage doing my own business. So that gave my parents an impression that I am sort of a grown up and they will let me off on my own.

I like having my own personal, private space where I can confide in myself and in Allah. But sometimes, I just wish that my parents would not see me as a grown up and still give some of their attention to me. Let the truth be out, I am jealous of the youngest of the family. She gets all the attention that she wants. She gets everything that she wants.

She always reach home to a table full of food just waiting to be eaten, while I will have to prepare everything for myself. When I get sick or cramps, I have to search for the medicine for myself, while my mum will nurse my sister through and through. Sometimes I will purposely not eat my medicine because I want my mother to fetch me the pills. At times it works, but other times, I had to drag myself.

And what’s more, I am only the average daughter, who was never in a leadership position, never the top scorer, nothing that my mother can brag about. Where else my sister, let’s put it this way, my mother has so much to brag about her.

It is so hurtful. I always appear strong and independent in front of my family,  but in reality, every piece of my insides are crumbling. It does not help with a sister who is so hot headed and lashes out whenever she gets upset or mad. Especially when she doesn’t get what she wants, her face would change drastically.

I want to share all my insights with someone who would just willingly listen without commenting or advising. The only person who I can talk to is only Allah. He never interrupt me when I’m letting my feelings out. He always make me feel better. He never fail to remind me of our dear Prophet Muhammad. And every time I feel this way, I will wallow in self-pity, but will be right back on track after I confide in Him. Only He understands me and doesn’t judge me.

But I guess this is the beauty of family. No matter what I still love my family. What would I ever do without my lovely family (‘: May we as a family secure a place in Jannah. Amin!

May Allah bless you too, whoever you may be (:


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