Now that NTU and NUS have finally rejected me, I pronounce myself useless. Okay, no, I was joking. It made me think. How much more do I need to do to just enter a local university. Even a with a total GPA of 3.6, it’s not enough to get accepted. Of course I feel upset that I am not accepted, but I understand that everthing happens for a reason. And I definitely deserve being rejected for not putting more effort in my first year of study.
But right now the issue is, what am I going to do after I am done with my one yearwork bond? I want to study psychology, but I don’t really want to pursue it. I want to pursue this line, but I don’t see the need to attain a degree in the same course of study. Because honestly I think there’s not much of a difference. I am also tempted to fly over to Australia to experience working life there. At the same time, I wanna go to the third world countries and help bring joy to the children.
I want to give joy and happiness into children’s life. Not much of tracking their intellectual development. Right now, being a teacher, I feel so tight down. There’s so many deadlines to meet, parents to handle and physical environment cannot be neglected. I don’t feel very much sincere when I’m doing a proper teacher job. I feel much happier when we sing songs, do routine care and just spend time playing and get dirty.
Another factor that restrains the daily activity is time. We are always fighting for time. I hate, HATE, HATE rushing children when they are bathing or eating or just playing with the toys. I believe that children need ample time to go through daily routine. I only want them to do what they want to do when they are ready. But given the circumstances, I can’t, because, we have eyes all over the classroom. Others may think that I am not disciplining the children.
I will just patiently wait for a sign from Allah. Insyaallah, soon enough I’ll get a clearer picture of what to do in the future. And as for now, my heart misses so dearly, a man. Ya Allah, rindu sangat-sangat. I know that I should be feeling this way. But trust me, I am constantly praying to Allah to help me forget him and that he leaves my mind. For if he is for me, he will be one day in the future.
He has no idea how much of a support he has been for me in the past months. And now that everything is over, it means that I will no longer be seeing him ever again. I regretted not bidding him a proper farewell. The last he spoke to me was before our skit performance , wishing me good luck. That was the last. And I did not even look at him when I conveyed my thanks to him. And after the skit, the person I wanted to talk to most was him. But of course, everyone else talked to me but him. But I should not expect too much as well.
I am thankful that Allah has grant me the very last time that I meet him. Though we never had a proper long deep conversation together, I am still so very grateful I’ve come to know a man like him. He gives me hope to pursue my dreams. Maybe this is the reason why Allah has written my fate to meet him, to rekindle the dreams that I once had. Alhamdulillah for everything. Thank you so much.
May Allah bless you, whoever you may be (: