I’ve made so many new friends ever since graduation. I still find it rather ironic that some friendships are built only after my poly journey ended. But first, before anything, I would like to apologise to all the new friends I have made. I apologise for making them feel awkward, I apologise for not continuing conversations and I apologise for appearing as though I am not interested in getting to know more about them.
I really don’t know why, when it comes to meeting new faces, I can’t sustain a conversation, leaving the other party, probably thinking about how uninterested I am in making friends. I do, I do want to get to know each other more. But it’s not that I am not interested, it’s just not my nature or reflex to ask questions like, “How about you?”. It makes me feel rather insincere.
But I am glad that some people actually make the effort to continuously ask me questions just to keep the conversation going. I really really appreciate that. Normally during the time when we converse I will think that it is natural to just answer and not ask questions. I don’t even have any questions in mind! But after the entire conversation, I’ll reflect and realise that I did not make the other party comfortable.
There are others who will ask one or two questions and after I’ve answered them, the conversation ends there. Really an awkward end to a conversation. But then, they will keep coming back asking more short questions and yet I still can’t continue a conversation with them. I really feel so lousy for not being able to hold a conversation with people whom I’ve just met.
It’s so frustrating that I would never realise that I’m doing what I am doing while I’m conversing! And I wonder if I would shoo anyone away. Well, there are some who really just shun away. It’s my fault I have to say. I just don’t know how to talk to people I’ve just met. But I don’t want to force myself into sustaining a conversation because that way I won’t feel sincere. And when some friendships go too fast… you’ll never know when you’ll get betrayed.
But at the end of the day, I am thankful that some people still make the effort to talk to me. I am truly really touched (‘: May Allah bless you, whoever you may be (: