MARYAM & ELHAM

I met a young lady who introduced herself as Elham. I instantly fall in love with her name. I thought it was such a beautiful name. As I got to know her, her pretty soul radiated. It did justice to her name.

I hope to name my son Elham in the future, InshaaAllah.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you maybe (:

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REALIGNED GOALS

I find myself here in a country I once called home, sitting alone staring into space thinking to myself, asking Allah, what do I do now? I’m scared. I don’t have the confidence to successfully go through a new path.

Now that I have finally realigned my goal in life, I’m worrying about the future, can I actually achieve my goal?

All these while I thought my life has been a breeze without a problem that I could handle but little did I know for the past 25 years of my life I was not consistent which resulted in me having wasted a lot of my time. And that is my problem, a problem that lies in my deen. Those memories that I cherieshed were in fact, useless and not beneficial for the hereafter. It made me grow as a person, but not spiritually.

But it all makes sense now. My goal in life is to be the best kind of women and the best mother to my children. It all makes sense because I have always wanted to give love. I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to turn negative. I don’t want to be mean. I want to be nice and happy. I want to change. I want to be the ummah of our Prophet SAW. And I believe.

Ya Allah, please grant me patience and strength to be a better mu’min. Please Nadhirah, please achieve your goal.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be (:

BE A GOOD MUSLIM BUT BE YOURSELF

I have always associated being a good muslim as someone who is soft spoken, eloquent and just so full of elegance. Everytime I am inspired to be a good muslim I will end up being quieter and gentler when I speak. But I can never keep up with that because I will end up cracking jokes and laughing.

When Sheikh Abu Zaki mentioned the phrase, “Be a good muslim, but be yourself”. It hit home. Now I can strive to be a better muslim but still be myself, as long as I don’t do anything excessively.

InshaaAllah may we be better muslims with strength and  patience. May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be (:

HOW IT’S LIKE TO LOVE ONE-SIDEDLY

What is it like to love someone who does not reciprocate your feelings? It’s like having this nice little jittery feeling all the time when you think about him. You wish you can be there through all his ups and downs. You wish you are the one he confides to, the one he depends on to cheer him up. You want to give your full support in everything he does. You want to know how his day is like. You wait for his next most recent post to see what he has been up to. You appreciate all his nature posts. You see him as a perfect man.

But that is all he is. Just a perfect man who’ll never have you in his heart. He will never know how much you care for him. He will never know how much you’ll want to support him. He will never know how much you actually love him. And that’s okay. That’s exactly what being in love with someone who does not love you back feels like.

I never expect myself to still have this feeling for him. It has been a year since my love was turned down. But no matter how hard I try, these feelings keep coming back. And though I have all these feelings inside me, I never want to see him again. I don’t think I can actually face him anymore. Not because I am ashamed of my confession, but because it scares me and makes me nervous. I am not sure if I can even stand in front of him without my knees giving in to my nervous trembling.

If God wills it, we will meet again. And for now, I think I’d rather not.

LOVE

Love.
 
Love is selfless. No matter how much love troubles you, you still keep giving. Because love makes you care despite any circumstances. Even if love angers you, you can still find it within yourself to forgive love. Because love softens your heart.
 
Love is happiness and yet, love is a burden. Love warms your heart and gives you joy. But when love turns sour, love can hurt you so deeply. However, you still cannot stop loving even when it’s painful. Because love gives you hope that surely everything will be fine.
 
The more you love, the more patient you become. You learn to accept love for their strengths and weaknesses. You learn to understand love no matter how confusing it can be. You just keep loving because, love makes everything bearable.
 
Love is not just between a man and a woman. Love exists within a family, even among friends. Love is everywhere.
 
Love is in your heart.
 
“Love did not have to make sense. It did not have to be worthy. It did not have to woo. It just simply was.” – Mary Balogh

RANT POST

I am sick and tired of this shit. I just couldn’t care less anymore. It used to be my pride and joy but now it is just a stupid burden that I don’t even want to think about. It just annoys me when I think about it. My life is so peaceful without it and I think for now I will just go ahead and leave it behind.

It’s time to just let it all go and leave it all to fate.

It’ll come. Just don’t bother me anymore.

I don’t want to feel anymore.

 

KEEP IT SAFE

It’s pretty strong the urge but I’m resisting because I am scared. It’s not like I did not try, I did and it has already sealed the deal. I know what will be the outcome if I’m to be impulsive. I don’t think I have gotten over what happened. To prepare myself of what’s to come if I just wing it, would be devastating. I don’t think I can go through it just yet. Maybe for now, I will keep fighting the urge and not let my emotions get the better of me. Let’s keep it under the radar and keep my heart safe.

I am leaving it all to Allah. I trust that when the time comes, I’ll know the real answer, because He knows what’s in our hearts and what is best for us all.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be.