SUPPRESSION

“If you can’t remember some memories based on your emotions, then you might have problems. You might be suppressing memories or emotions”.

When I heard that, I almost weeped. Almost. It felt as though all these years I have suppressed something inside me, my deepest darkest memories. When we were told to recall those dark memories, I almost break. Almost. I cannot. If I were to let the memories loose, I won’t ever have a piece of mind. It is best kept inside, deep down inside where no one could see or tell what I went through.

At the very least, I always have my faith to hold on to. without my faith, honestly I don’t think I will be where I am today. Alhamdulillah. Whatever I am suppressing, I think I can still continue doing so, for as long as I have my faith strongly with me.

 

CONFESSION

Last year, I plucked the courage to confess to someone I’ve had feelings for. And of course my feelings were not reciprocated. I knew that’d happen, but I still went ahead to express my feelings. I am thankful that he nicely rejected my feelings. But I cannot deny that sadness engulfed me, though I clearly believe that everything happens for a reason.

If you asked me whether I regret confessing, my answer would be no. If I am placed in the situation repeatedly, I would still make the same decision. He’s such an amazing man, whom I have so much respect for. The only reason for my confession was because, I knew that he’d be great father to my future children.

Maybe my thinking might me slightly skewed because I had also hoped that through him, I’d be motivated to be the best person I can be. But I guess, I do not deserve a man like him, who has so much faith and always put religion first, when I am still struggling to be a better Muslimah each day.

I am not sure who’s still reading this blog of mine but, May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be.

 

 

I LIKE

I like meeting new people, helping people, building trusts and creating rapport. I am attracted to positivity and I encourage healthy mindset. I love feeling belonged with zero effort to fit in. I like rules, routine, plans and yet, I do like being flexible, laid back and chill.

I like balance.

A little bit of this and that. I love hearing happy stories and I’d still want to hear a fair share of hardships. It’s a little bit of everything that makes me happy. It doesn’t take a lot of carve a smile on my face, really.

I am a cheerful person.

I choose to be cheerful. Being cheerful makes me happy, makes the people around me happy. I like happy, I like smiles, I like laughters. I love smiley old people. They say the darnest things but their vast life experience is so valuable that money can’t buy. And I like making them laugh even when I know they are trying to be serious.

I like my life right now.

Though it is progressing slowly, but they all say slow and steady wins the race. I believe it’s all in the hands of God. All I have to do is continue striving and I know everything will be alright 🙂

SWITZERLAND SOON

Having a set of goals really help me steer in the direction of the future. At the moment, my goals are tightly connected to continuing my experience overseas. Recently I met a wonderful lady from France, but lives in Switzerland. Coincidentally, I have plans to visit Switzerland with my sister at the end of this year. And this wonderful lady invited me to stay at her place for the whole time that I’ll be at Switzerland. How sweet!

Having friends from the country that you visit gives travelling so much more meaning. I am highly anticipating this trip! InshaaAllah, we will be visiting Milan as well as Lyon! Let’s work hard now to be able to make this short term goal a reality!

This list of short term goals that I have is the very reason why I keep striving to do my best. And honestly, work isn’t a burden at all. It’s just physically draining. But Alhamdulillah, I am coping well. I hope to see more progress in the future.

May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be (:

COMFORTING INDEPENDENCE

I’ve long stopped pinning expectations on others, for I’m afraid to be let down yet again. Believing and trusting myself makes me more at ease, for I am the only one relying on myself. But, it’s scary how this independence makes me very comfortable with myself that it demotivates me to get out of my comfort zone.

I cannot emphasise more on how much I like being alone. The introvert in me is dominating once again. Somehow it is very comforting. It may be worrying for some, but fret not, I am feeling happy and free.

Away from expectations and away from people. Really just how I like to be.

WHEN EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED

News of engagement and wedding invitations keep rolling in and I am excessively happy for each and everyone of them. May their marriage be blissful till Jannah. Ameen. Despite the joyous news, there are a minority of us, who have yet to meet someone and who might feel the pressure of not being in the same boat.

To be honest, I am not pressured at all, because I like how my life is right now. It is nice having only myself to depend on, because only I know myself best (plus I’ll be very much free to visit Malaysia again as and when I’d like). However, there are several others who are actually feeling pressured by this.

So I’d like to share a little bit of how I actually come to terms with not having someone right now.

Believe and have faith
Be confident in believing that there will be someone out there written just for you. As a Muslim, I strongly believe that Allah has saved me someone worthy. Each day (habis pecah rahsia) I earnestly pray that when the time has come He will grant me a pious man who will be able to lead me our children. And I believe in His timing and I have faith in His plans. Even if my prince charming is taking his own sweet time, I still believe it is for the better. It actually gives us more time to better ourselves for each other. (I’d like to think that my prince charming is taking his own sweet time because he is learning household chores right now, so he can do them for me when we get married. hahahaha).

Catch your dreams
Being single also gives you the great opportunity to live with yourself longer. Honestly, I am enjoying my carefree life right now, without being tied down with other responsibilities. I am able to focus on what I’d want to achieve next to ultimately reach my goal. So embrace your single-hood and pursue your dreams freely. Yes, you might feel lonely certain times through out your dream catching journey, but that’s just something you have to deal with. For me, I’d spend my lonely time watching Korean dramas, trying to pick up their language (hoping to visit there next year). So, just find something that distracts you from feeling lonely. (Not sure if this advice is psychologically valid, but it works for me. hahaha). 

Believing in the right timing and having faith in His plans has allowed me to be more patient. So while waiting for someone to come along, let’s take this time to go after our dreams and do whatever it is that we’ve always dreamed of doing. Who knows while chasing our dreams, we’d cross path with our prince charming?

InshaaAllah you and I will be blessed with someone who will be able to love us for His sake, in the (near) future. Ameen!

LITTLE GESTURES

I’ve always been someone who appreciates little simple gestures. A simple birthday wish or a thank you note or even a simple “How are you”. All these little things warms the cockles of my heart and makes me feel very much loved and appreciated.

But it is because of the love for little gestures that also tears me inside. Not everyone likes displaying simple gestures and not everyone find it as meaningful as I do. It’s because of this difference that makes me doubt where I stand in certain people’s life.

I can’t deny the upsetting feeling I hold in my heart. But thanks for disappointing me, for now I’ll feel less guilty to walk away from your life. It has been a pleasure knowing you since I was 15, but I think I can no longer suppress the constant disappointment I’ve to endure.