TOGETHER

my cute good boi

Understanding that my partner expresses his love, care and concern differently from my idea of receiving love, care and concern, took a lot of effort. In the beginning, I kept second guessing his feelings and intentions. But slowly, I began to understand the way he loves. Ever since then, I stopped expecting silently or giving hints, I’d tell him straight what I’d like.

And to my surprise, he made several conscious effort to meet my expectations. For that, I am grateful and feel very much loved. Throughout our time together we managed to better our communication and continue to learn and understand one another.

It feels like we’re on this journey together and it simply feels nice. I’m excited to experience what’s ahead of us, both highs and lows, we’ll embrace it together.

LEARNING

Sayang you ❤

Our relationship was not easy at the beginning. Everyone kept saying how the first few months of your relationship is supposed to be your honeymoon period, but it wasn’t like that for us. We fought often and it really was very tough. But, after every fight, we learned something from one another and that made each step much easier to further take into the relationship.

I was afraid and started questioning, is it normal to fight about a lot of things? But it turns out, a lot of other couples fight about the same things as we do. Relieved, very much relieved.

Despite the fights, I am proud of us, how we’ve grown to really understand and know one another. I can finally say that we’ve at last stepped into the honeymoon phase of our relationship. We do squabble but that’s just over small things and it’s much easier to get over it now.

I know there’s more to come moving forward but I hope we can still continue to learn about each other and embrace our flaws and strengths.

OF HIGHS AND LOWS

4 months being in a relationship. It’s hardwork, effort and a whole lot of patience, with not only him, but myself. We went through both really good and really bad times. No joke when they say communication is key. I am constantly making sure both our emotions are well taken care of. Giving credit where it’s due, or apologise if need be.

There’s no time for egoistic thinking or feeling, there’s no time to wait for someone to pick up hints. I realised I have to say what I need or want, and I need to provide him with what he needs or wants too. It goes both ways.

But at the end of the day, I choose him, a million times over, I’ll choose him.

STRUGGLES

Two months being in a relationship and I still feel insecure. Is that normal?

I know I have to talk things through with him but I am always trying to find a good time to talk and there’s never a good time to talk so I’ll just let it slip every time. But it really is high time to talk.

I’m not good at relationship, communicating my feelings or letting my intentions be known. I am more comfortable being with myself, well I have always been. But I know, being in a relationship means effort, taking care of someone else’s heart, leaving yours open and vulnerable.

I love knowing that I have him. I appreciate all the things that he has done for me. But even so, I still am unsure where his head is at whenever we’re not together. This is my insecurities talking. I just need to have a little bit more faith.

MY HANNY

Feels like the most ‘us’ as we can get 😂

It’s been almost two months but it honestly feels much longer than that. Sometimes I wish I can just run off and be married quickly, but sometimes I wish it’ll just be slow and steady.

Experiencing being in a relationship for the first time, made me discover a lot of things about myself – how I love and how I want to be loved. I’m also learning to live my life with him by my side. It’s always just been me, myself and I. But now it’s us. By now I am used to having someone in my life. Someone I care for, someone I worry for, someone I am frustrated at, someone I want to support, most importantly someone I love.

Both of us aren’t perfect and it has been a bumpy road trying to get used to one another. It’s still a long journey for us but inshaaAllah we’ll pull through together no matter what.

Do make doa for us.

HANNY

Everything happened so fast and the scariest part of it is how accepting I am towards all of it. But a part of me is still holding back, trying not to jump straight in blindly. So I’m guarding what’s left, holding tightly hoping I won’t get my heart broken.

The question that still remains unanswered is why did I accept him? I just didn’t see any reasons why I should say no. I had wanted to say yes right away but I needed a little more time to process everything.

This is probably the craziest most ridiculous decision that I have made and I hope it’ll be the best decision ever in my life.

Whenever I am around him, I feel safe and protected, I feel well taken care of, most importantly I feel assured. I have struggled a lot with reassurance from people and to be told that he wants to be with me extinguishes all sorts of questions playing in my head.

Now I am ready to be committed in this relationship and try to put my guard down one at a time to allow him to get to me, and me him, along the way.

Protected: MORE THAN EVER

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

LONELINESS

How do you deal with loneliness alone?

Nothing scares me more than the feeling of loneliness. Being alone differs from feeling lonely. I like being alone, it brings peace and clarity. But feeling lonely, that’s what I’m terribly afraid of.

Everyone has a partner that they can count on. I have lived my entire life depending only on myself that I wish for once, I have a shoulder to cry on. People assume I can do everything by myself, I mean they’re right, but it’s always nice to have someone who is always willing to be your pillar of strength.

Honestly, I am tired. Tired from all the responsibilities I’m shouldering, tired of trying to always be strong for myself. Maybe it’s time for me to think about where I really want to be. I wish I can just pack up and leave everything behind. Go to a place where no one knows me and I know no one. I really think it’s time.

8 more months. Just 8 more months.

I don’t think it’ll help me deal with the loneliness that I may face but at least, I get to be free.

DEEP CONVERSATION

It’s so nice to see married couples enjoying their Raya together. I did wish I had a little family of my own too. When Ayah brought up my marriage issue again this morning, I got a little hurt. He mentioned about not adding on to Rasulullah sallahu alaihi wasalam ummah. I don’t see how it’s my fault for not being able to do that? But I’m not mad. It’s just that Jodoh is literally something that I or anyone can’t comprehend.

Especially after this Ramadan, I did feel like I’d want to find someone who can be my Imam, who I can openly talk and discuss about religion, someone who I can compete with to see who gets to khatam the Quran first. Basically someone who I can do my Ibadah with.

I wish I had the confidence to show and be myself, to share and express all my thoughts and ideas. Only now I realised how closed off I am. I just don’t know how to open up to someone on a deeper level. I always pass off as someone who jokes a lot and talks a lot, but I still want to have a good deep conversation. And I haven’t had that for a while.

But I have come to terms with my situation right now. I’ll just be patient and continue to put my trust in Allah. I have made my istikharah and it seems like being with myself is what’s best for me for now.

NOTHING BUT A BURDEN

I’m trying to hold my anger in. But I really want to slap some sense in my brother. Sometimes I really feel like giving up, but because he is my brother, I’ve never.

His thick skull and arrogance makes him bloody difficult to talk to. I cannot talk to someone who refuses to change.

He just can’t see that what we’re saying is for his best. All he sees is us condemning him. But come on!! If we don’t give a shit about him, we’d not bother telling him and advising him.

I am so sick and tired having to listen to his whines but not doing anything to do better or make things better. He is just a pampered spoilt brat who’s so lazy and thinks only he is having a difficult time.

He says what? Blood is no longer thicker than water? How dare he thinks that way after all the bloody shit he put ibu through. So selfish. Almost 29 years of my life, not once have I ever looked up to him as an older brother, because he was never one.

Honestly with or without him in my life, it doesn’t make a difference. That’s how insignificant he is in my life. I’ve been trying and trying so hard to understand his plight but screw it, up to you.

You’re a grown man. Do whatever you want. If you think strangers can be nice to you, then go and live with them.

Urgh, such a burden in my life.